MOMENTS

OK,
Virginia wrote the following some time ago. We put it in draft till I could add some photos. This still hasn't been done, so I'm just posting this.
I'll add a video or two of the kids in their new walkers. Gives them a little too much freedom in my mind!
Tri is now crawling, and he gets better at it and faster each day.

As I sit down (finally) to write another blog, I realize how much I have to write about. Yes, it has been a long while since I wrote; it is amazing to me how quickly the days can fly by when you have two little ones and I am often so tired at the end of the day that the mere thought of tippy-tapping away at the computer can bring me to tears.

But now, at 6 a.m. when the apartment is quiet and John has (thank God) joined us again in Vietnam, I will enjoy a cup of tea and begin to write down some of what I have neglected to report. I can only think of one title for this blog: Moments. Because that is what we have - moments - small bits of time that weave together to create this wonderful life of ours. Some of the moments have been wonderful, others frustrating, some filled with tears, but many filled with giggling babies.

As we near the end of our time here in Vietnam, I am am compelled to look back at it and wonder: how on earth did we ever do it? I have been here for almost three months and when I think about all of the changes that have taken place in my life in that time, I am astounded. I have gone from being a teacher, a wife, a sister, a daughter, to being a MOM.

Bar none, the biggest change of my life. It has changed the very core of who I am; I can no longer define myself any other way - mom comes first.

And it has made me realize how much MY mom had to go through with me: you are amazing mom!!

Okay, on to the moments.
I apologize if this is a long blog, but hey, I have a lot to catch up on. I include moments in no particular order. Some of them happened a while ago, others more recently. I include them in the order in which I think about them. And let's face it, my brain is sleep deprived and a little scrambled these days!

MOMENT #1: My 40th Birthday!
Everyone who knows me knows this: I am BIG on birthdays. I have been known to sport a tiara for a week, while I order those about me to pay tribute to the birthday girl. Not always to great effect. Now, my 40th birthday was going to be SOMETHING. I rememeber talking with our friends Luke and Sophie; we discussed a "Fourty is Fabulous Cruise" where we'd all dress in plaid, knee-high socks and grannie dresses and stalk the decks of some unsuspecting cruise ship en masse, in celebration of the year we all turn 40. Didn't happen. Then, I thought: a PARTY. A big one. A surprise, of course, that I would plan and then pretend not to know about. Didn't happen. And then, out of the blue, MOTHERHOOD. Boy, did that change things. I must admit, I was a little sad that I would be spending my birthday in a strange country, without friends. Of course, I had John and the kids, but where was my big ta-do?? I woke up that day feeling older, a lot older.

Then John stepped in.
I was treated to breakfast in bed, where I played with my beautiful children for about an hour. Man, they are cute - the best presents I ever got. Later, we all went out to lunch as my favourite little spot and after lunch I was scooted off to the spa for a massage, facial and foot treatment. Sufficiently pampered, I then went shopping. Without kids!! Bought myself a few cute little numbers and headed home, excited to see my family. When I got in, I found the table set with homemade birthday fudge (no ingredients for a cake to be found), wine, candles and presents. The children must have known, for they let me smoother them in kisses before they quickly went to sleep, leaving time for a glass of wine on the balcony and a great view of a thunderstorm coming in.

It was the best birthday ever.

But maybe not for John. He was TIRED.
And I love him for it.

And you know, 40 is really the new 40, anyway!

MOMENT #2: Tri stands up for the first time
When you have children, every little coo and caa, every little wave of a hand and spit from a mouth is adorable. You await, with great anticipation, the next "big" event. When will he crawl? When will she turn over? When will they talk? It is such an adventure. John and I have been so lucky to see these changes in our children. Many adoptive parents do not see their children this early and so we have been blessed with many "firsts" that, otherwise, we might have missed. One of my favourite's for Tri is pretty recent: he can now stand up, while holding onto something. Okay, not a huge feat, but when you think about how sick this little boy was, it is amazing. He is a very strong and very physical little boy: our athlete in waiting. Everyone says not to rush this standing, walking thing. "Life will be over as you know it," they all say. I say, bring it on!! And way to go, Tri!


MOMENT #3: Cai finally finds her groove
We call her The Contessa. Our Cai definitely has a mind of her own. I like that in a girl. I like that in anyone, really. But, our Cai has also been pretty fussy. She has had so many moments of not eating, crying, screaming and general unhappiness, that there were times when I thought it must be me: I am just not good enough for this little brave little girl who has been through so much. And, honestly, it was exhausting. Cai would cry all the time. All the time. And she wouldn't eat. I was worried, worried, worried. And I took her to the doctor (he thinks I am a crazy lady). And I tried EVERYTHING. She was my little lab rat, Cai. Nothing seemed to do the trick. Until one night. I was all alone - no nanny, no John, just me and the kids. It was nice, actually. Both babies woke up at the same time, crying to be fed. Hmmmm.....how to do this? I propped Cai up on one pillow and Tri on the other and began to feed. It was about 4 a.m.. I couldn't help but laugh: someone needed to videotape that moment. But a miraculous thing happened: CAI ATE! And ate well. Without complaint. Who knew? All she really wanted was to lay back and enjoy a good bottle - and don't we all? So now, when I feed Cai, she blissfully reclining in her bouncy chair. And we are all much happier.

MOMENT #4: Power Struggle
It is always difficult to explain the concept of nanny to someone who does not live overseas. I do not mean this as a slight, a moment of bragging. Just the opposite. When you live away from family and friends, you are left without a support network - people to tell you what you are doing right/wrong as a mom, people with whom you can share your experiences. And taking care of children without this network is difficult. And so, people get nannies. It is funny, I was totally against the idea when I first moved to Indonesia. "I will raise my own children!" was my motto. But now I understand. A nanny sort of becomes one of the family. And she does not, could not, would not replace mommy and daddy. She is really convienient day-care. Loving, wonderful, personal day-care. When we get home from work, the nanny will step into the background and mommy and daddy will take over. And this is good. During my stay, here in Vietnam, I also needed help. Essentially, we have twins. And they were pretty sick little babies when we took them on. So when John had to go back to Indonesia to work, I was left here very much alone and while I could do this alone, life would be pretty hard. So, I got some help. Tam was referred to us by Loan (our adoption agency representative). Tam is Loan's God daughter and has worked in Cai and Tri's orphanage, so she came with a lot of experience. She is a 21 year old, lovely girl who really loves our kids. And so, she moved in. To our very tiny two bedroom flat. Yikes. As Alpha-Dog (those of you who know me are shocked), I struggled with this. Not so good at sharing my privacy, I tried really hard to open up to this woman. A little challenging, given the fact that she does not speak English. We communicated with hand-signs. I am used to this, as an expat, but it is different when it is 24 hours a day. We also struggled with different ways of life: I love to get out and exercise with the kids: walking and swimming usually take up my day. But Tam HATES to walk, HATES the sunshine and would have a little tantrum when I said, "get ready, we are going!" Oy (as my friend Brandi would say). Then there was the "who is the mother, here" struggle. A truly wonderful thing about the Vietnamese (like the Indonesians) is that they absolutely adore children. Having said that, they like to tell you (again with handsigns) how to raise yours. Oy.

MOMENT #5: John comes to visit for his birthday
MOMENT #6: Our friends from Montreal
MOMENT #7: Waiting, Waiting, Waiting